How to save United

Last updated : 15 February 2002 By 1919
1. Use Robbie Keane more; The tricky young Irish forward effectively turned Leeds United's season last year, and it's well within his capabilities to do the same this time around. He needs to improve his levels of fitness if he is infact going to be successful with Ireland at the World Cup, so the few remaining Premiership matches of the season would enable him to regain his former form, and boost our morale.

2. Support the team; Too many fans are moaning that United aren't playing too well, and true they aren't. But what good does it do for anyone, to slag off David O'Leary and the players when they clearly care so deeply. They want to win just as much as we do - so let's back the lads and get the atmosphere back at Elland Road.

3. Blood the youngsters; We have a string of fairly easy games ahead, one's which we should definitely win. So why not blood a few of the youngsters? Step up Paul Robinson, Frazier Richardson, Harpal Singh, Simon Johnson, and Jamie McMaster. These talented individuals will be able to cope with the pressure - and their inclusions in the first-team will also put the sh*t up some of the more-experience stars like Harry Kewell.

4. Martyn OUT Robbo IN; Nigel hasn't been playing as well as he could of late, so let's put Robinson in his place for a short-while at least. The young Beverley-born goalkeeper was in tremendous form last season and would definitely keep the Premiership forwards out again, this time around.

5. Give 'H' a rocket; Harry Kewell has been absolutely cack this season. He looks a shadow of his former self. Perhaps he has one eye on his dream move to Spain, or is just struggling to get back on form after injury. Either way, we need a fit Kewell back flying down the flanks the sooner the better.

6. Alcohol; Send the team out on a booze-fuelled weekend so they can 'bond'. With rumours afoot of training ground bust-ups and the such the side really needs to come together. Especially the defence. (Nb. This may conflict with point 10 - 'Pray that the players stay out of trouble'. This can be solved simply by ensuring there is not a McDonalds in 100yards, and Bowyer is on halves)

7. Have patience; It wasn't long since Man United and Liverpool were being written out of the championship race. The good times will come back.

8. Witchdoctors; We need to bring in the witches once more to lift the gypsies curse that (in my opinion) still hangs over Elland Road. Well it worked for Southampton so let's give it a go! What can we lose.

9. Sack the announcer; Sack the announcer as he is simply too dull. We need someone with real vigour to inspire the team before they run out onto the pitch. Someone to really get the crowd fired up - may I suggest sticking one of the following out on centre-spot: Alan Shearer/Phil Thompson/Bob Stokoe/Any Daily Mirror columnist/David Ginola - sure to get a great response!

10. Pray; Pray that the F.A does not decide to drag up any more 'incidents' involving Leeds United players in the past. Pray that first team regulars don't pick up any more injuries. Pray that the players stay out of trouble, and that form rapidly picks up. Pray for Leeds United.