Ten Ways To Save Leeds

Last updated : 28 April 2004 By Kevin Markey
Thanks to Martin Kelner, a columnist with The Guardian and who presents Kick Off With Kelner - a daily sports show on BBC Radio Leeds.

10. They could just put their head under the covers and pretend it isn't happening…

9. Refuse to go down…nobody has tried it yet, but it just might work.

8. Invent a new rule which awards them two points every time a commentator says something like…"they'll be getting out the road maps checking the route for Plymouth, Walsall, Gillingham etc. "

7. Give them a point for every time a pundit's said Leeds are "too good to go down."

6. Persuade Kevin Keegan to give Manchester City more training.

5. They could claim they weren't ready; demand that season be started again.

4. Forge documents that show they didn't loan Jermain Pennant, they actually loaned Thierry Henry. And thus should be allocated all his goals.

3. During relegation six-pointer with Portsmouth, an agreement was reached at 80 mins that "next goal wins."

2. Get in a high profile, larger than life manager who'll put a smile on everyone's faces with his bonhomie and genial wit…..what's Big Ron up to these days?

1. Points system changed. Teams now get SIX points for every arrest during the season. Leeds runaway with title, Jody Morris named player of the season.

Listen to 'Kick Off With Kelner' on BBC Radio Leeds